November 15, 2009
June 14, 2010
“I’m always okay.” And sometimes we lie. Because the truth of the matter is, most of us are not even close to okay.
When we bear that grin and attempt to put the sparkle in our eyes to match our performance to our words of "I'm okay" are we lying? Are we lying because we are keeping ourselves guarded or are we just doing what we feel is best for those around us? If others can see our lies and the lack of shine in our eyes bearing not even the slightest glow as the words tumble off the tongue reciting to the world that we are okay, then why hide? If people can see the truth - WHY HIDE?
If our glass faces are seen, the question is, how dark are people to see someone they care for in pain and to walk in the opposite direction? How dark are they to take their own self into a greater importance?
This ignorance is far from blissful and beautiful but so close to the realities of our world today. Should we all act this way? We begin to question our honest beliefs and our high standards of the definition of a 'friend'. We all have been hurt, shunned, disappointed, and betrayed in some shape or form in our lives, but because of this, should we now ignore friends when they are in need? Should we say “later” when the tears are so easily seen ready to fall? Should we turn our backs just because we were turned on once before? No.
But is that normal? To stop, drop and listen when the energy pouring out of them is staggering in strength, love, and wisdom. Are these the standards some of us are meant to follow? To lift, protect, and guide? Or to turn, guard, and protect...yourself?
Who sets these standards? Who decides what defines good character? Is there one definition? To each culture, country, and individual person this understanding, this interpretation of good character will vary and be altered with each breath we take; the encounters we experience between friends, family, acquaintances; we all are different.
We all claim to be honest and truthful to those who surround us, but the fact is we change and sometimes we hide. Do we hide behind the 950 masks we have created in fear that one person may discover the truth of who we really are? Aren’t we supposed to know who we really are? Shouldn’t we be the first to discover this amazing mystery? Is that what life is? A game we are all playing against each other in an attempt to be at the top; the best; and the most successful. Or are we all running?
We run towards our goals and away from our fears and remember our worst memories and somehow block out the good times more than we should. I want to run as fast as my legs will carry me to the ends of the earth just to say I can. I want to soar to the highest clouds just to see what it looks like. I want to be all that I can possibly be.
Selfish?
I want to be understood for what I’m feeling and be understood that I am not crazy, but maybe hurt. I want, for once, someone else to drop what they’re doing regardless of how they are feeling and be there, for me, as I have been for them. Is that not the balance of a friendship? Is that not what makes people continue to be there? This is what we all long for...a simple act of comfort and concern.
There are times; moments just as these, when the emotions are high and a clear way of thinking is not possible because a fire exists burning deeply inside yearning for any and all who have caused pain to feel it too. A line up, perhaps, of all who caused agony and pain, and to reciprocate. To explain the glorious days and long nights of support were out of love and sincerity, not spite and pity. And with these calm words, I long for them to understand and to change, not who they are, but their perception of their own actions mixing with another.
But if I can't do that, even as I've just vented in my head, I want nothing more than to take their pain away and be that guiding light to show them that at the end of it all, it’s not that bad.
You are great, amazing, and beautiful.
You are trusting, calm, and sincere.
You are loving just as much as you are loved.
Feel how you feel whenever you feel it; it's called feeling alive.
~*~E.O.
~*~W.H.
